We’ve all had them, we all expect them; it’s part of the job as being a wedding planner. We are to anticipate the possibility of a once sweet, calm “I just want to keep it simple” bride transforming into the overly stressed “ I want the shoes, purses, accessories, nails, flowers, dresses and mascara…to be the EXACT SAME”. However, you may also run into what I refer too as the “bridal party/family-gong show” and yes it’s as intense as it sounds.
This situation extends far past the bride and may include but not be limited too: The mother of the bride, the soon to be mother in law, a bridesmaid or all bridesmaids, maid of honor, sisters, aunts….the smurfs! I know it sounds extreme however, weddings are a very “female dominated” event and when many women get together or need to work together things can become problematic. I say this with love and empathy to all my fellow women out there…we can’t deny that there is a little part in all of us that likes to have things our way. Period! However, it can be stressful the bride to listen to and attempt to please everyone.
Additions to guest lists, changes to bridesmaid’s dresses, who is doing the wedding shower, switching caterer’s among many other things could be subject to change. Sometimes these changes are suggested, in some cases disputed, demanded or even expected. The most difficult aspect can be that these instances occur from the people closest to the bride and groom. Dissention is ill-advised as much as possible for many reasons: maintaining of relationships, to ensure planning can continue smoothly and it’s to everyone’s benefit that the bride and groom are happy. Still, sometimes things are called to question and a decision needs to be made and it is our job as the planner to help the bride and groom come to the best possible choice for them.
Despite the wants, opinions, demands and potential “tantrums” of others, I advise you to keep the following in mind:
1) The timeline discussed between yourself and your clients. The moment a date to wed is decided upon between the bride and groom- planning begins starting with your budget. You will assist them in setting “lock in” dates for securing the venue, purchasing the dress, finalizing the guest list etc . Once the “lock in” dates have passed… it is not recommended that additional changes be made since this could cause potential delays and more work and in some cases stress for everyone involved.
2) The budget you have established for your special day. It would be wise to plan within a certain amount of money in case of an emergency switch in vendors or unforeseen expense- as this would be considered proactive. At the same time, if something that has already been decided or “locked in” ends up being disputed or argued over and could incur another expense that is unreasonable- stand your ground. If the bride and groom can spare the expense then by all means but if this stretches their budget, remember as the planner, it is your responsibility to ensure they stay within their budget.
3) What do the bride and groom want? We know that our male counterparts can be NID’s (Not into Details) but it is important to note that it is about the joining of the bride and groom that matters most. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have parents and or family aid in large monetary contributions towards incurring costs. Therefore, if the bride and groom are paying for the majority of the wedding themselves, it should be what they want.
4) How much stress is this causing or how much stress does this have the potential to cause? Is it really worth it? Is everything else taken care of besides these changes? Is it possible that changing things now will create more commotion and possible quarrels?
Don’t lose sight of the most important thing; marrying the person of your dreams and letting nothing come in the way of that happening. Of course you want your day to be as close to perfect as possible but it must also be a stress free and happy day as well. So no matter the detail, or who is causing the rukus… speak with your better half and your planner and see what is best for the bride and groom.